[Unrelated Prologue: WHAT THE HOLLY JOLLY FUCK, TUMBLR. Your service may be free, but your service sucks—which part of SAVE AS DRAFT meant PUBLISH? Are your employees too busy Instagramming their hipster dicks off and bragging about Tumblr’s popularity to notice that every other popular service has their shit together? Are you aware that many of those functional services are run by ONE person? Are you paying people in iPhones and PBR? Are you even a real company? Are you hiring? I need a job. Check out my LinkedIn profile sometime, if you’re in the mood to masturbate.]
This is a bacon reproduction of a popular helm in Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. My character, whose boobs are not as impressive as they should be, wore this for a few levels, and I was very fond of it despite that her boobs were still disappointing. I recently replaced it with a similar helm that has YET ANOTHER HORN, looted from the corpse of some bandit punk motherfucker trying to violate at the 21 and Lewis.
Everybody knows ‘Skyrim’ sounds like a fucking awesome gay bar, but it’s actually a video game. It’s part of the Elder Scrolls series. Everybody knows ‘Elder Scrolls’ sounds like a fucking awesome black metal band, but it’s actually a video game series. Skyrim is the latest release. While there is a sky, I haven’t unlocked the power to rim it. I’m a little nervous because the last version of Elder Scrolls had rain storms and stuff, while I haven’t seen a single drop in this one. This implies that the previous version had a way cleaner sky than this new one and I’d probably be better off rimming that one. Now I’ve got to decide whether I prefer jelly or syrup. I can’t handle this much longer.