Even I don’t understand what the fuck I’m saying sometimes.
Truthful Tuesday: I’m just an ordinary vagina-toting spam bot and/or dude-posing-as-a-chick living vicariously through the ancient boner energy cloud hovering about my knee socks in the physical world.
WitStream: My advice to funny tweeters: stop sucking Favstar's dick!
I’m glad the internet has made it so easy for people to express themselves. Self-expression is, as a rule, a good thing for humanity.
Unfortunately the tantalizing power to respond immediately with a slap (or a suck up) has been handed to millions (of idiots) in the form of an unfollow, star, RT…
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! AND SOOOO LAST MONTH! BUT I’M SO ANGRY I COULD BLOG ABOUT IT!
How DARE you, WetStream—if that is your real name—tell the indigenous peoples of the Internet that it’s ever a bad idea to suck a dick? You’re not our father, and you don’t pay our bills probably! Don’t fucking tell us what to do! We can suck ANY and ALL dicks we want to, whenever we want to, IN THE ASS! WITHOUT A CONDOM! (Call me.)
You think Picasso got successful by not sucking somebody’s dick? WRONG. He once sucked like 18 dicks at the same time and tweeted about it FROM THE FUTUREPAST. But enough about impossible scenarios! Picasso’s funny, insightful tweet was retweeted by MILLIONS of imaginary people and spent a record sixteen years on the Favstar Leaderboard in this riveting story I just made up about Picasso. The gentle notification chime of Favstar mentions regularly emanating from Picasso’s iPhone were like invisible bowls of chicken soup for his dick’s soul. It was this heavy flow of Internet validation that helped him conquer difficult periods of artistic constipation, otherwise known as marriage.
So yeah…suck dicks, don’t get married, BE A SUCCESS!
Welcome to Twitter!
This is Twitter sometimes. I like the guy with the monocle, he gets it.
EXCEPT THE TWICTIMS WHO ARE SICK OF YOUR BARKING! We know it’s YOU!
How can we tell? SIMPLE: There is a group of at least 50 men and women who regularly post tweets with identifying “slang” terms. These terms typically pertain to:
- Certain “Mexican” foods humorously depicted in unlikely situations
- Vociferous endorsement of fellatio
- Laughing one’s ass off, then shaking one’s head
- Bath linens in blush or rosy tones
- The Google product family
- Treatise on Psychosocial Media Peer-validation Models
- “Vulgar” female canines
- Orange-skinned eBook authors with enlarged squama frontalis
- The sleeping habits of a closed human hand
- METAL
You are one of them. Isn’t that a little CONVENIENT? It doesn’t take an investigation by Shartlock Hoes or whatever his name is to solve this puzzle. The truth is obvious: Every single mean tweet, including those which very may have been written by anyone among the dozens of similar twitterers…EVERY SINGLE ONE was actually written by you. Probably for terrorists in Al Jazeera or Al-Qaeda…Al Gore or whatever. You’re fucking busted!
NO! OF COURSE IT COULDN’T BE ANYONE ELSE! That’s like saying Twitter users do stuff of their own accord or have their own ideas! LOL that’s so dumb. Everybody knows it’s scientifically, statistically, erotically, astronautically impossible for multiple people to share like concepts or styles ON TWITTER! The whole thing is based on people stealing HILARIOUS knock-knock jokes from each other all the time!
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Molestation)
“Sexual abuse, also referred to as molestation, is the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another.”
Whew! I guess rape jokes are funny again!
I’m genuinely surprised that no one has flipped out at Mr. Dover for expressing an idea that has already been expressed by at least one other person since the beginning of time. Twitterfolk are often quick to cry “Tweet thief!” at anyone with the misfortune of being second in line for publishing a humorous concept. Arguably the most intriguing part is how rarely the “stolen tweet!” itself is intriguing. People get bashed and shunned for failing to be the ‘first’ to tweet jokes about commonplace scenarios.
Here’s a recent example which earned a lot of attention: Clearing your browser history to hide shit from your significant other.
Like…really? It’s plagiarism if a guy on TV joked about the same concept in 2008? Who should I sue, then? ComedyCentral? I’ve been joking about bitches snooping through a dude’s cache since the days of yore, when said cache was from Netscape Navigator.
Hmm…duplicitous behavior in relationships…removing traces of one’s Internet activities…which is now a standard browser fea—DEAR FUCKING GOD THESE NOTIONS MAY BE RELATED SOMEHOW! Did you just realize that, too?! OMG! LOL! This is SO WEIRD! It’s like we’re psychic twins! You’re Danny DeVito, just want to make sure that’s been established so you understand your role as the fat ugly one.
But seriously, can you believe that comedian guy stole my exceedingly pedestrian observation just so he could stake claim on the begrudging smirks and brief chuckles uttered by millions of people who are coincidentally less imaginative than dogshit? This will not stand, man.
“BLLIX” IS THE NEW “DICK”
No shit, Sherlock. You don’t have to yell. Don’t you raise your font at me like that ever again.
