Today’s installment of Gangsta-Ass Monday focuses on education and shit. This instructional video will show you how to become an instructional hustler. Bitches will listen to you. Bitches will follow your directions. It’s like Simon Says, but for bitches.
[Author’s Note: Bitches and cars.]
Because women also have ovens inside of them, repeatedly soiled by men who sometimes forget to turn it off for nearly a year until realizing they baked something in it and need to leave town quickly so they don’t have to help with the dishes.
Despite their reputation for obscenely violent lyrical themes, Cannibal Corpse has been linked to a staggering number of socially acceptable activities which may result in dudes getting their penises touched by other living persons without raping anybody.
Scientists say the effect is due to a synthetic reagent known as ‘serious fucking shreddage’, found in abundance on most Cannibal Corpse albums. When combined with other powerful elements (such as relatively clean clothing and pleasant body odor) the product is an effective, painless method of disintegrating a chick’s panties.
This is a man’s greatest achievement; what he aims for, if you know what I mean. Projectile semen distribution. That’s what I mean. You know, like, when you’re doing it to a chick. Or a dude. Not into a sock or a meatloaf. I’m not intentionally excluding gay men from the aforementioned jizz cannon thing, but I’m pretty sure I remember the week in 6th grade Health class during which we learned that a dude can’t get a bitch pregnant via another dude’s butt, or if you do it in the ocean unless the moon is full. I think that was the same week we learned about how condoms are expensive and nobody likes them, but abortions and STDs are a big drama-fest so it’s best to deny you ever had sex with anyone you aren’t currently using for money and gifts.
Great educational video for the track “Spash Waterfalls” (which I think infers to liquid flowing from things), found on that wordsmith Ludacris’ album Chicken-n-Beer.
